Why am i not getting over this?

My dtr is 1 year old. When she was born i went through a horrible ppd! I was constantly feeling like we had made a mistake in having a second child. Now, after a year, every so often that same feeling hits me. My son (1st born) is going to be 3 and there are times when i feel like i wish it was still just the 3 of us. Our dtr was planned we knew from the day we were married that we wanted 2 children and we wanted them close in age. But i cannot shake this horrible, shameful feeling of not wanting her.
She is not very snuggly and is very independent. Do u think she senses this? I show her just as much affection as our son and i do not send that kind of vibe out to her. Don't get me wrong, i love her very much and wouldn't give her up for the world. But i just have this nagging feeling that we made a mistake.

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Pls no smart a** comments, this is the worst thing i have ever felt in my life and couldn't stand hearing/reading snide remarks.
Have u ever felt like this about a second child? What did u do?

Absent developmental issues, she feels it - get yourself in a better place as quickly as you can, and you will be doing right by her. You cannot help your feelings, but you can control what you choose to do about them. Keep faking it in the meantime - that's the best your can do right now, but set your expectations for yourself very high, and analyze these feelings and get help if you need it.

Do you think it is gender based, or 2nd child based? Some women who were raised in households where they were sexually abused or treated as less than for being a girl have great ambivalence towards their daughters.

Do you resent the time she is taking away from your first?- remember that separation for the older is actually a good thing. pregnancy question and answers

Was your first very demanding and cut into your chance to bond with your second? If so, you may want to look into some sort of childcare for your first so that you have alone time with your second and begin bonding.

Were there pregnancy complications that interfered with your ability to parent your first (bed rest) that made you resent your second before she was actually in your arms to cuddle?

Is she colicky - does she make eye contact - some babies do not, and that may be affecting your bonding. It may be time to ask a pediatrician if there may be some developmental issues that are leaving you disconnected from your daughter.

Start to put everything in context - start with the premise that she is not a mistake and have faith that this child was "placed" with you and your family to challenge you and give your life more meaning. Then find out what those challenges are and what the meaning is, and embrace it with a mother's fierceness! You can do it!

It is possible you have post-partum depression or just depression. You should have a few sessions with a therapist and see if that helps. You may also want to talk to your doctor about medication.

Have you ever tried bringing this up with a doctor? If you haven't it needs to be done...no matter how embarrassed you are to feel the way you do.

well,it's unfair to your second child.
Just try not to show this coldness to her.
Treat her as good as you can.
She doesn't deserve that :-(

Maybe your still feeling a little depression but idk. No child is ever a mistake. I kind of felt that way when I found out I was pregnant 2nd time, that I wasn't ready for another. That changed after a while. I may just feel this way bc she is not as snuggly right now. I'm pretty sure once she starts to get more affectionate, you will feel better. Most 1yr olds are pretty independant which can make us moms feel unneeded. I do believe that they can sense things. Just keep paying lots of one on one attention like reading to her or get down on the floor and play with her :)

PPD can take a while to pass even with treatment. I was bad like that for about 5 years, don't be too hard on yourself.

The best thing I did for myself was to cut myself some slack and take time out to pamper yourself, without guilt. Baby girls who have older brothers can learn to grow up a little tougher than girls who don't have a male sibling, she seems more independent because she has a strong toddler role model, I really don't think it's because she's picking up on some subconscious message you're sending. Take it easy on yourself and continue with treatment, it'll get better.