Do you think it would upset a 5 yr old too much to change he

Do you think it would upset a 5 yr old too much to change her last name?
My daughter just turned 5 and I'd like to get her last name changed to mine.

See, my daughter was born when I was 14 (yes I know I was stupid) Her mom broke up with me and didn't let me see my little girl at all. Not even pictures. She ignored all my notes, letters, emails and phone calls. No matter what I did I wasn't allowed to see my daughter.

I finally took her to court when I turned 18 (my daughter was 3) It took a while, but they finally got my name on the birth certificate and I've had regular visits for like a year now except for all the times that her mom just refused to let me have her.

So basically: I've got a TON of contempt charges filed on her (5 pages!). I've filed for full custody and we go back to court in January to address the contempt and to get a Guardian ad Litem for my daughter. (REALLY long story short: My ex has not only been horrible to me, but she's got my daughter all mentally screwed up and she doesn't see it at all. She won't even let my little girl go to a therapist so that she has someone to talk to!) pregnancy question and answersNewborn&Baby

I want my daughter to have my last name instead of her mom's. I got married to the girl I've been dating since my daughter was 6 months old. We just had a baby together so we all have the same last name. My daughter is the only one left out. Her mom's family is a jumbled mess of like 4 or 5 different last names and she only matches like one other person. I want her to have a sense of belonging, but I don't want to emotionally scar her more by changing her last name. I'm also thinking about the fact that I'm basically going to have custody by the end of the summer. I already get weird looks when I ask for a kid who has a different last name than me. It will be even weirder when I enroll her in school and she doesn't have my last name. I shouldn't have to whip out her amended birth certificate to prove I'm her daddy.

I talked about it with her last night and she said she wants to have my last name so that her and her sister can have the same last name, but she's 5 so I don't know if she really understands what she was saying.
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How do you think this will affect her later? Am I making too big of a deal out of this and worrying about her too much? I just want to be the best dad my little girls could ever have!

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

#1 you don't have custody yet so don't go counting your chickens. #2 you don't have a right to change the last name unless her mother agrees. You are screwing your kid up just by coaching her into wanting her name changed and making her feel left out because she doesn't "so we all have the same last name. My daughter is the only one left out." I really think you are the one with problems. You abandon your daughter and now want to take her away from her mother because you feel like you got your life together. I wonder how together it would be if you were left to raise a kid on your own at such a young age.
you don't even know if you are going to get custody. and in my opinion it would be confusing for the child.
I would wait until you do have full custody. Just because her mother is probably going to fill her head with a bunch of crap about the name change.
listen, I know love your daughter, but I wouldn't go changing her name unless it's something she wanted when she's OLDER and not be influenced by you and what you believe. It sounds like you want it more for your own convenience, but again I could be wrong, just saying. I want you to also look at this objectively. Just because you think you have a good case against the mother (and maybe you do, I don't know specifics), there's a pretty good chance you will not get sole custody. Judges will not take the child away from the mother unless the child is in danger. I would think it may go 50/50 or something like that. It's good that she willbe going to therapy. But you both need to butt out of the appointments. Children will say what they think you want to hear and she can't talk honestly if either one of you, or both of you, are there with her. Maybe this is how it's set up to happen, but just something to think about if it's not. Whether you think her mom is a good mom or not is not the most important thing here, but your daughter. Even if you succeed, your ex will have rights to visiting your daughter and it will be difficult for your daughter to up and change her like like that. Even if her mother isn't that great, I am sure your daughter still loves her and it will be hard for her. Forcus on helping her through her emotions, and not swaying her to your side either, and forget about the name change until she's older and decides for herself.

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